I don't know who actually reads my blog, but my mother informed me that people are worried. I have been losing weight, which of course is always a bad sign for someone who used to have anorexia.
The main problem is that the medications I have started taking make me nauseous. I am not purposely staving off food. I am, however, trying to figure out which foods settle best with me until my body adjusts to the medication. I know that I need to gain several pounds back, and I will continue to work with the doctor as I figure out this medication.
As a funny side note, it took me ten days to figure out that the nausea was caused by the medications. Until then, I had convinced myself that I was pregnant {although the odds of that happening right now are next to nothing}.  Alas, no, it was not morning sickness.
If I am going to be completely 100% honest, aside from the nausea, I am doing fantastic. I started taking a very low dosage of antidepressants shortly after the semester started, but ironically I was already feeling great the week before I started them.  I don't know if I am super mellowed out because of the medication or because this semester has a much lighter workload.  Regardless, I feel like a person again instead of a robot.  I still get everything done in a timely and orderly manner, but I don't feel pressure to spend every waking hour being productive. Instead, after all my homework and chores are done, I watch German movies, longboard with my husband, go shopping with friends, and "paint" on my iPad with the new stylus I bought.  Although it's a strange feeling for me, I feel like I can give myself permission to have a life! I have felt more relaxed the past little while than I have in months, and it is such an amazing feeling. I feel happy. I feel like me again.
I am so excited to hear back from grad schools in March, but until then, I don't know what my future will look like. Until then, I can only trust that I gave it my all and enjoy this time of waiting.