One of the perks of being locked away doing homework is that I managed to finish everything that's due until next Wednesday!  But when at 10:30 PM one of my friends asked if I wanted to party it up at the beach, I couldn't resist squeezing into the little car with ten other people.
  For those of you who have never played What Are the Odds with a bunch of 21-or-so-year-old guys, I am warning you now.  Over the course of the next few hours:

• the winner of a somersault competition rolled 50 times across the  sand
• we played drunk star gazing, where we would stare up at a star and spin around really fast for a while and then someone would suddenly shine a flashlight in our face, causing us to helplessly collapse
• a few of the dudes made each other pass out 
• we played ninja and did a little yoga
• everyone ended up soaking wet in the ocean {even though for some reason I was  the only one who wore a swimsuit}

 When caught by a wave, one feels like a doll, tumbling uncontrollably through the salt water with no indication of up and down besides the occasional scrape on the rocky sand. Yet upon finding footing and breaking through the surface for that great swallow of air, one is met by a sense of triumph and a surge of energy through the veins.
   There is nothing quite like night swimming in Hawaii, where the water is lukewarm and the breeze perfumed with salt.  On Saturday I drove to Pounders with four new guy friends, and we had an absolute blast {asides from when we got distracted talking about Pirates of the Caribbean and then turned around and realized one of our friends was gone and started screaming his name because we thought he had been bashed into the rocks and drowned.  Luckily not.} Last weekend also including meeting hilarious drunk couples at Turtle Bay, helping rebuild the traditional ocean fishpond for a fieldtrip, turnin' it up at a dance party, driving around the city where hundreds of people honked horns/waved flags/shouted victory for the victorious high school football team, and getting soaked to the bone in the pouring rain as we started splashing each other in puddles.  
   I feel like I'm changing.  I don't know if making new friends is making me more outgoing or the other way around, but I'm enjoying this college life so much-- even if I feel a little bit like I'm in a bubble.  Literally every aspect of my life aside from family can be reached by walking: my girlfriends are downstairs, my guyfriends are next door, my education and food are reached from the opposite side of the sidewalk, the temple is a little walk that way, and the beach just across the street from that.

   Please forgive my inability not to scroll through old photos.

just cause I miss my fam

   This week I have been slammed busy with projects, but I am so honored to have been asked by three different people to do design work!  This has never happened to me before, and how exciting it is to think that these are the first steps towards my future career! One of the people was recruiting me for Enactus, which from what I gather is a humanitarian organization which aims to promote self-sustainability, local economy and other such causes in poor parts of the world.  It's surreal, beginning to be a part of something I had only dreamed of before.
   I also have been rewatching the Star Wars saga to get ready for Episode VII next month-- WOW if I thought I loved it in elementary school, that was nothing compared to how much I love it now.  Then last night I stayed out late with pretty much the whole school at the theatre seeing Mockingjay Part 2.  When the credits rolled around,I felt like I was saying bye to a little piece of my childhood.  I've been a fan of The Hunger Games since seventh grade, and for six years I have been reading for hours on end, attending midnight premiers, getting into intense discussing, and looking at various fan artworks/videos with Rachel way after our parents told us to go to bed.  Now it's all over.
    Next week is Thanksgiving, but I'm debating putting up my Christmas decorations early.  It may be Hawaii but with so much wind and rain, I've been wearing flannel and beanies, drinking strawberry-cream hot chocolate, and craving that Michael Buble's holiday albumn because it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.  {Sorry I couldn't resist.}

 My fingers certainly didn't think I could, since I could hardly open the envelope. 

 I refused to accidentally skip ahead, so I covered it with my hand.  Oh gosh, this was it!  This was the moment that would tell me about the next year-and-a-half of my life.
 Dear Sister Lundgreen, you are hereby called to serve as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  You have been assigned to labor in
 the Alpine German-speaking mission.





 I will fly to the England MTC March 10, 2016.  My mission covers parts of Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and Liechtenstein!

      I feel sick to my stomach hearing about the vicious attacks going on in Paris right now.  It's Friday the 13th and I could not imagine how anyone in their right mind could justify murdering scores of innocents; to rob people of their dreams and tear from others their loved ones is more monstrous than anything in this world. It's a terrifying time we live in, where someone with an insidious agenda only has to get access to a machine gun or a bomb to destroy countless lives.  I mean, these victims will never again see the beautiful colors of sunrise; some didn't know that kiss with their spouse was their last while others' eyes will never even glisten with tears as their father walks them down the aisle.
      This week for me has been school, finishing Gossip Girl, working out an hour a day, and checking the mailbox constantly to see if my mission papers have arrived.  Life is so casual, and yet we never know when it will be clipped short!  Am I just taking everything for granted?  We act as if we have a hundred years; but even if we do, that will go by so fast, and if we don't-- well then are we wasting our time?  The most terrifying thing for me is losing those I hold dear; I honestly think I would shatter if I received news that someone I loved perished, especially in such a horrendous event as today's.
    Today I am going to live the good way, calling home to hear the voice of family, enjoying memorable adventures with my sweet friends here, and graciously enjoying this beautiful world with lungs full of fresh air and an intent to do right.  I want to live in a way that I will not have flashbacks of regret but rather gratitude for every moment.  I want to appreciate those whom I call loved and use my creativity and give my everything to the God who has given me Life.
    Pray for Paris.  

• There's this unknown force that makes me do everything super fast.  Like people make comments about it, that's how bad it is. I am always way ahead of everyone when walking in a group {despite my short legs}, I had to consciously force myself to not drive way over the speed limit back in my car days, I talk fast, I speed around the house even if I'm on vacation with another family and literally have no obligations...   Waiting around for someone, be it city bus or just a friend, makes me so antsy, and Monday I worked on my online classes till eleven before getting up the next morning and realizing that I have almost nothing left to do for the rest of the week.  Is it because I have a purpose with everything? Is it because I'm worried that if I don't get ahead I won't have time later if something important comes up? Maybe that's why I almost have enough credits to be a junior despite living away from home for only three months.
• I always feel like I have to do SOMETHING productive during the day.  I think it stems back from this March blog post when I was mad at myself for wasting so much of my time and made a goal to, well, do something productive every day.  This is great in many many ways... But I've noticed that I now have a REALLY hard time relaxing.  Gosh dang it, I'm taking seven classes already, why do I feel this crazy urge to sign up for an eighth!  Yesterday, even though I worked out for an hour and like I said had finished almost all of my homework, I felt inexplicably uncomfortable with using my spare time to read a really good book and watch Netflix.  There is nothing wrong with either of these things!  Ironically, whenever I do have something my brain deems as productive like "school" or "homework" or "a job," I just want it to be over and done with so that I can go back to those other "less productive" things that I will never be able to truly relax with. Honestly I think writing is one of the few things I can do sitting in my room that I will feel totally content with. 
• I love reminiscing about the past and daydreaming of the future. I guess what other reason would I have to blog than to lock up all my thoughts and memories-- and then rummage through that safe months or years later, reliving those adventurous or hilarious or romantic times.  Even worse, I totally get tangled up in visions of how I want my future to play out.  Things I want to do when I'm married... when I'm a mom... when I get home after my mission and am reunited with those I haven't seen in too long... heck, I spent hours last Sunday planning out every nitty-gritty detail of the AZ Christmas party that can't even happen for several weeks!
• My focusing skills are horrendous.  That's why it's a shock I was able to read for so many hours yesterday, because be it class or church or writing or reading, it takes a heck of a lot of effort to tell my brain to shut up and pay attention to whatever is going on in the real world. It's not even that I start doing other things, I just fall a daze of daydreams, thought trains, and super random questions!
• I am an extroverted introvert.  This means that I can totally entertain myself for days on end by just being creative, I am 100% content sitting alone in the cafeteria or the auditorium and actually do so most days, and the more people there are in the setting the more quiet I will become. Despite being good at being alone, I can't spend too much time alone without craving the sight of familiar faces. I absolutely love socializing if I am comfortable with those around me, and I still always want to go out and meet new groups when with these friends, even though this is admittedly energy-expending. I do better when there are less than ten people, and I think I act the most myself when I am with only one or two.  {Is this why I was always good at keeping long-term relationships but wasn't always the best at maintaining a solid friend group?}
• I always have a million and one things to say. Perhaps this is why I love writing so much, because if someone gives a cue for me to tell my thoughts, I will suddenly dive into these long stories and explanations and contemplations.  I have no issue talking about things that have happened in my life and love nothing more than a nighttime stroll and a deep discussion about life. People tell me I'm quiet, but that's because they haven't experienced me talking their friggen ear off.
• I am semi-organized.  Like I'm bad at keeping my dorm straight, but then all my Pinterest boards are organized into these super specific semi-categories.  While most people have a few boards that all have hundreds of pins each, I have like three separate fashion boards {for different seasons}, four different wedding boards {separated into dresses, two different reception themes, and miscellaneous romantic ideas}, nine different food boards {you can't just mix all the entrees and desserts and salads and facts about clean eating all together!}, etc.  
• If I'm determined to be determined then I'm really good at it.  Like tell myself no sugar for this set amount of time? Boom done.  Convert my entire blog into a book by this set date? K, it will require spending weeks pouring all of my time and effort into it, make my eyes and fingers ache, and otherwise bore me to death, but I'll do it and be so glad I did.  Not cry for MONTHS after the end of a two-year relationship and despite friendship troubles because I was gossiped to be a whiny weakling? OH HECK NO I will show them just how strong and confident I am {ok, this was admittedly a bad idea but no regrets, everything turned out splendidly}.   
• I like and dislike control at the same time.  I hate being dependent and am good at taking the reigns if, for example, I have a group project and I want an A. I refuse to lose out on opportunities for a fun time, so I will totally text people to see if we could hang out even if though I am always so paranoid doing that.  But I also have never initiated anything with a male ever {whoops} and am that indecisive person who will be like "I don't care, let's do whatever YOU want to do," when trying to make plans.  
• Conflict stresses me out like none other, so I try to avoid strife at all costs (even if it ends up backfiring in the end).  I don't really get angry that easily.  Yes, I am capable of getting annoyed or disappointed, but generally for me to get really mad there has to involve someone that I really deeply love.  Either someone is hurting a person that I love... a person I love and have put some seriously deep trust in shatters that trust by lying or attacking my character... or a combination of that.  To date I can't remember any time I've confronted someone about an issue... partially because I'm really bad at standing up for myself and because when these people made it 100% clear that their logic was not to be argued, I didn't how to react besides silence. Whenever something happens, though, I always have to talk it out with someone else, like my father, who won't judge but will sit there and listen before giving advice that helps both reinstate my confidence and then also help me see that other person's side of it.  After it's all over, I usually can get over it pretty fast, even if my trust might not come back for a while. There was only one time that I stayed angry for an extended period of time, but I regret that.  I think I was scared to put away my anger because I thought that would mean taking down my defense wall and becoming susceptible to the same attacks that had made me so vulnerable in the first place... but that's not true.  Now I hope that if something were to ever happen again, I could remember who I am and that anger is not in my nature. 

     Confession time: I analyze everything.  One minute I'll be totally smiling and the next minute I'll be stressing about something that probably means nothing.  The thought of getting in people's way worries me so much, but I still want to be social, but whenever I am I feel like I say all the wrong things {or is that just me over-analyzing again?}  Words just have a tendency to fall out of my mouth-- as someone who is both a storyteller and also not very secretive about the way life has shaped me, I guess that could only be expected.  I never have bad intentions and would never say something that I thought would bother another, but does it happen anyway? I honestly have no clue.
     Ironically, I received a superior score on my analytical skills when I took the CCTST last week, so you'd think that I'd be able to apply it to my real life and analyze just so I can know the way things REALLY are, not the way I hypothesize them to be in my mind.
    This week has had a lot of plain ME time.  Although slightly disappointed I didn't get to explore all the nooks and crannies of this island like I planned, I've enjoyed some great relaxation, discovering beautiful new sights within walking of where I live.  I've gotten up early and jogged to the Point to watch the sunrise; laid out on the beach with a book; written fiction at a gazebo in an ancient cemetery; strolled through the forest following baptisms at the temple.    I love the sensation of waves lapping at my legs and sand sifting through my toes, the sunshine beating and and the breeze thick with salt. This week the words have finally broken through the stubborn dam in my brain and trickled through my fingers as I've written pages and pages of my novel, listening to the beautiful Game of Thrones soundtrack while I do so {I've never seen it but wish I could}.  Maybe today will offer adventures, but maybe it won't-- and that's okay, because my imagination creates plenty.

We stopped at IHOP, and since we don't get autumn here I was so excited to order some pumpkin pancakes with butter pecan syrup.  Afterwards we hit the mall, imagining we poor college students had money amidst the glamour of three-story Forever 21's and trying on ridiculous outfits.  Then we explored the rest of Waikiki strip-- and boy was it like being transported to a whole new world.  People from countries everywhere were dressed up in insanely creative costumes, milling around in crowds so thick we could hardly keep together.