Kate of the Desert

Showing posts with label College. Show all posts

On April 19, 2021, after already receiving four rejections from other hospitals, I was very fortunate to get an email from the head of my grad program informing me that she'd found someone to take me on, despite me not applying there. So it was that I got the spectacular news that I would be an extern at Neilsen Rehabilitation Hospital just two hours before my house burned down! What a day.

The past ten weeks I have been very busy learning how to be a speech pathologist in the medical setting. The speech therapists there are divided into four teams: stroke, TBI, spinal cord injury, and poly-trauma. I was on the poly-trauma team, so I worked with a lot of people who suffered from craniotomies, injuries not just specific to head or spinal cord, critical illness myopathy, and "Long COVID"(being so severely impacted by COVID that there usually required being trached). If I understood correctly, the Long COVID patients were those whose overall physical and cognitive function declined due to the virus attacking their whole neurological system. While at the rehab hospital, they worked on regaining use of their limbs (the severity depended on the person), their swallow, and learning strategies to compensate for executive functioning deficits such as decreased memory, attention, problem-solving, and reasoning. So far research is seeing that cognitive function can take 18 months or so to resolve.

I worked a lot with dysphagia, which meant a lot of swallow rehabilitation. I taught swallow exercises and used AmpCare, in which small electrodes are placed on the neck to pull the muscles up and forward to provide resistance while the patient swallows. I monitored and modified patient diet textures to maximize safety. I helped with FEES (in which an endoscope is threaded through the nose to get an aerial view of the larynx and watch if a patient is protecting the airway while eating green-dyed foods) and administered MBS (in which the patients eat/drink barium of different textures to watch the safety/efficiency of the swallow on an X-ray). I loved being able to see patients upgrade from NPO diets (all food via feeding tube) to an oral diet, or from a modified oral diet (e.g. pureed, minced, chopped, soft, etc.) to more regular textures.

I also worked on cognitive skills, and though I didn't work with it a lot directly, I loved seeing aphasia treatment. To see people with Broca's or Wernicke's Aphasia go from an inability to communicate their needs to having so much more control of the words in their mouth was incredible!

At the rehab hospital, patients worked hard so they could go back home. It was a powerful experience indeed to see people who suffered such severe illness or injuries who were able to overcome so much.

I tried barium. It was nasty.

My supervisor did an endoscopy on me so I could know what it felt like and so I could see my own vocal folds. Apparently I have a very sensitive pharynx because I was coughing, gagging, sneezing and sputtering.

I have been very hard on myself lately. I feel like I am not allowed to be proud of myself or accept compliments about what I have done, because I don't want people to think that I am a model for them to follow after or feel jealous of. I feel like because I'm underweight, spent a year in therapy and am now on antidepressants that I have to downplay all my accomplishments, because I had to pay a price for them.

But I DO want to be proud of myself for a moment, just right now, today.

I want to be a Speech-Language Pathologist, and I have worked my tail off to accomplish that dream. In working towards this, I have obtained a 3.98 GPA and got a high enough score on the GRE English section to be eligible for Harvard {my quant score was barely below}.

I achieved two full ride scholarships at the same time. I worked as a TA for Hearing Science for two semesters, a research assistant for five semesters, and I gained experience working with kids and teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorder for a summer.
I began my five grad school applications in October, and I worked diligently to ensure that I wrote the perfect CV and statements of intent. I was very grateful for professors and family members who helped me to edit these essays, and I was very grateful for those who spent the time to write my letters of rec. Dallin found out that he might be able to graduate a semester early, so I decided to take a leap and apply to schools in Arizona {although he wanted me to apply to Ivy Leagues, which was cute and funny, I did not do that}. It would have been hard to be without him for a semester, but we could do it!
It has been a long, long, long time of waiting. Finally, I heard back. I was put on an alternate list for BYU. And then I was accepted into ASU, UA, UofU and USU! The former three are all top programs in the United States. I decided that I will attend UofU starting in August, and I couldn't be more excited.
If I'm being honest, I was very disappointed to not get into BYU after my interview {which was the morning after the announcement that university was going online}, but I like to think that maybe God was nudging me along on this one to make sure I go to the place I'm supposed to go to. I think I was more disappointed at the concept of being rejected, as if it was saying something about my personal character, than about not actually going to BYU. I have loved BYU and the professors here, but I think I wanted to go for the wrong reasons: it's closer, it's cheaper, it's familiar, it's where my friends are going. But I love change, and I wasn't uber-excited at the concept of spending another two years in the Taylor building clinic.
On the other hand, when I toured the UofU clinic, I absolutely loved it! UofU is also heavily medical-based, which I think could be a really good fit for me. It is a highly-acclaimed school. I am so excited to meet new professors, new students, and learn new perspectives.
I am just so grateful that my hard work and sacrifices are paid off. Do I need to learn some better balance in my life? Yeah. But I am so thrilled for the opportunity to get specialized training and to begin working with clients. And then I will be on my way to be an SLP.

Senioritis + pandemic = Katie falls far behind in everything. However, craziness and all, my very last semester has been too good {or at least memorable} to not document!

I was invited to present at a research conference in Logan, Utah! I have been on the Speech Perception research team for over a year now, so it was incredible to be able to share what we have learned after all this time assessing kids and scoring their results. We have been studying the phonological encoding process in children with speech sound disorder and/or dyslexia. It was also so fun to check out the beautiful clinic and to get ice cream with our amazing professor!

From left to right: Russell photoshopped in, Haylee, McKayla, Rachel, Lauren, short me with my dorky boots, Riley, Emily, Brittney.

This semester, it finally hit us that we are about to graduate and head our separate ways. We have all been such good friends these last {almost} two years! With that in mind, we have made the effort to spend more time with each other, watching movies and going out to dessert.

Beyond school, many other things have happened this semester which all feel like an eternity ago:

Cooper moved into the house with us, and he got a job making ice cream where all the flavors are reminiscent of the colonial era. We frequently visit him, not just for the homemade ice cream but also to see him in his colonial outfit.

The Urness family came in town and went skiing. Unfortunately I was too busy to join {it was interview week} but it was so fun to see them!

Gracie frequently turned on Gilligan's Island, which I had never seen before.
We visited with the Woods at a restaurant. This was the same day that all the schools shut down, and I was shocked to see how packed the restaurant was. It is probably the last restaurant we will have gotten to go inside for the next long time.
I am very proud to say I beat both Grace and Olivia in a handstand competition. Those girls are so ripped/coordinated I really thought they would beat me.
They and Dallin also renamed the neighbor's cat "Fishpoop," so for the whole duration of the trip I kept hearing, "Hey I see Fishpoop outside!" OK weirdos.

Dallin and I fulfilled our relationship dream of starting a garden. The girls helped us to churn up the soil and pull out old roots. Then we bought a dozen types of seeds and started our little planters inside, since it was snowing up till a couple days ago in Utah. We'll see if Cooper remembers to water our garden while Dallin and I are in Arizona.

Dieses Foto wurde am 9. Mai 2019 aufgenommen. Zu dieser Zeit ich war ich sehr krank.

Ich stand auf der Waage und dachte, ich könnte das übertreffen. Mit 21 Jahren wog ich nur 40 Kilo, aber ich war nicht klein genug, und als ich mich im Spiegel ansah, realisierte ich, dass ich mein Licht verloren hatte. Ich würde bald merken müssen, dass sich niemand perfekt präsentieren kann, und dass man seine Schwächen akzeptieren muss, bevor man wachsen oder glücklich werden kann.

Als Teenager stand ich auf der Sonnenseite des Lebens; ich war ein Cheerleader, eine Sängerin, eine Künstlerin, und eine Autorin. Obwohl ich schüchtern war, konnte ich mit meiner Gemeinschaft interagieren und Aufmerksamkeit bekommen indem ich Leute meine Talente zeigte. Ich war immer klug und hatte die besten Noten in der High School. Als Perfektionistin war ich fleißig und wettbewerbsfähig, was mir half, in meine Traumuniversität, BYU-Hawaii, aufgenommen zu werden. Mein ganzes Leben nannten alle mich auch zierlich. Es war einfach ein Teil meiner Identität, bis ich mit neunzehn plötzlich ein wenig an Gewicht zunahm. Nach der Mission wechselte ich zur BYU-Provo, und ich realisierte, dass ich nicht einzigartig war wie früher. Hier war jeder intelligent und talentiert. Wie immer war ich kompetitiv, aber obwohl ich fleißiger als meine Kommilitonen arbeitete, waren meine Noten trotzdem schlechter. Ich wurde traurig und gab mir keine Zeit, um zu singen, zu malen, oder zu schreiben, weil ich dachte, dass ich immer härter arbeiten musste, damit ich mich besser präsentieren könnte. Ich wollte irgendwie das Beste sein.

Dann bin ich in die Falle des Perfektionismus geraten. Ich hatte schon die extra Kilos verloren, und diese Leistung hatte mir ein bisschen Fröhlichkeit gebracht. Ich war immer klein, aber wenn ich nicht die Klügste im Raum sein konnte, dann wollte ich mich jetzt als die Kleinste im Raum präsentieren. Ich war immer konkurrenzfähig, aber wenn ich nicht schon die besten Noten bekommen konnte, konnte ich zumindest weniger essen, länger warten um zu essen, und mehr abnehmen als jeder andere. Fast jeder möchte etwas abnehmen, oder? Dann konnte ich es am besten tun. Es dauerte nicht lange bis ich total von einer Essstörung kontrolliert wurde, oder bis ich mich während Gesprächen nicht konzentrieren konnte, weil ich so viel Hunger hatte. Jetzt depressiv und unterernährt, fühlte ich mich wie das Gegenteil von perfekt. Ich hatte endlose Selbstzweifeln, und ich stellte mich anderen nicht vor, sondern saß leise in der hinteren Ecke, weil ich dachte, dass niemand mich kennenlernen will, wenn ich nichts besonderes zu bieten hätte. Eines Tages, als ich nach Hause ging um meine fünf jüngeren Geschwister zu besuchen, realisierte ich, dass ich kein gutes Beispiel für sie war, als ich mich elend gemacht habe, um perfekter zu wirken. Ich musste mein Leben ändern.

Über ein Jahr später, mit Therapie, bin ich viel gesünder und viel glücklicher, aber ich bin gar nicht perfekt. Ich versuche nicht, mich als perfekt oder die Beste zu präsentieren, weil ich weiß, dass es nicht wahr oder möglich ist. Ich kämpfe immernoch mit Wettbewerbsfähigkeit, aber ich bin jetzt ganz offen über meine Geschichte. Früher fühlte ich mich sehr beschämt, aber jetzt nehme ich meine Fehler an und versuche einfach, daran zu arbeiten. Ich habe gelernt, dass wenn ich offen und ehrlich bin und meine Schwächen mit Leute teile, kann ich mit ihnen verbinden. Auf diese Weise habe ich Freundschaften gefestigt. Ich habe auch ein Paar andere geholfen, sich über ihre Körperbildkämpfe und ungesunde Obsessionen mit dem Essen zu öffnen, um zu realisieren, dass sie möglicherweise Hilfe bei einer Essstörung benötigen.

Mit 22 Jahren ist es mir egal wieviel ich wiege. Ich bin genug, unabhängig von meiner Größe oder meiner Schwächen. Wenn ich mich im Spiegel ansehe, realisiere ich, dass mein Licht zurückgekommen ist.

I did it. I finished my junior year of college. It took many hours hunched over a desk studying and a few tears here and there , but I can officially write in phonetics, draw out the whole process of hearing, and speak German much more comfortably. So maybe I have a problem with time management {in the sense that I compulsively spend too much time studying and not enough time being a normal twenty-something}, but at least I can say that I spent half that time learning material with amazing friends.

A few weeks ago we had an international night, making and sharing foods from our missions and other travels. Aside from that, we have split Chip Cookies, shopped, and lain on the couch retelling wild mission / kidnap attempt stories.

Now my goal is to really HANG OUT this summer!

The forgotten picture from our end-of-finals ice cream hangout after the previous semester

The sun has finally come out, which means that I have already gone on two runs and two walks with Rachel, despite not even putting on my tennis shoes for several months. What can I say, I'm a desert kid?! Last summer was such a wholesome time when I really tried to enjoy not only beautiful Utah, but life in general. I have the same goal this summer, because I need some balance.
On a stranger note, I have had breathing difficulties for a month now. Whenever I try to take a deep breath, I can only inhale about 70% and then I feel like I have to force my lungs to stretch enough; I throw my shoulders back to get the full breath, popping my back every time. I thought maybe it was because of muscle tension from my heavy backpack, and my cousin thought maybe I had popped a rib out. But finally I went to the doctor, who guessed it was either anemia or an allergic reaction to either the pollution or the pollen. The blood test came back fine, and so far the inhaler hasn't seemed to change anything, so I'm not quite sure what's going on.

Lastly, now that it's past midnight, it's officially two weeks and six days till me and Dallin's wedding and I just want the time to go even faster!

Halloween is just another reason why college is 100x better than high school. We all pretend that leaving the nest means growing up, but in actuality it means there is nothing to hold back the kid inside. I played it mild with a fifties dress from my mission, but many kids on BYU campus were decked out in wild costumes, from Darth Vaders blaring the Star Wars theme from a stereo to a giant Yeti on stilts. Dallin and I joined some friends of his at a house party, and then after realizing that we needed physical IDs to get in to the UVU dance party, we chilled at his house. Now that Dallin's driving the Bricklin, it's funny to see people stare as we drive past, especially when his face was painted like a skull. One guy even told him it was like watching a scene from a movie.
On Friday, Dallin watched me over-stress at the chaos of having a long shopping list at Walmart {I'm working on calmness}. Later Rach and I got froyo with our old roommates, and then we finished watching our scary show that we had become recently obsessed with. I'm a great studier until you get me hooked on something with a mind-blowing plot; Rachel, our psychology major, is great at psychoanalyzing every twist.
Saturday, Katie and I did initiatories, which are one of my favorite temple ordinances to participate in. After a day of studying, Dallin took me on a date with his friends McKay and Brittany {who had thrown the Halloween party}. We went out to dinner at Noodle&Co, and then we went rockwall climbing! I learned how to belay.
Sunday, we as a Relief Society presidency led a discussion on mental health, which went perfectly. All the girls had fantastic input, the time slipped away too fast! My favorite thing, though, was seeing in second hour how many boys are in the class Rachel teaches, haha. In the evening, I made pumpkin pancakes with buttermilk syrup for a big group of my high school friends and their spouses. Two of the boys served in Berlin, so I always get a kick out of talking Europe with them.
Speaking of, I found out that Lina, one of the girls close to our age whom Sister Harwood and I were really good friends with in my last couple transfers, got baptized! Words can't express my joy.

Pages

About Me

Popular Posts

Search This Blog

Blog Archive

Recent Posts

Instagram