It's been over a year since I first heard about the infamous coronavirus. In a few weeks it will be the anniversary of the day I found out my college education was going online, my graduation was cancelled, and church gatherings were going to be limited. This was less than 24 hours before my BYU grad school interview, and needless to say I was NOT in the proper state of mind for that interview, and I did NOT do well. There were people that I sat next to in class that I never saw in person ever again. I mean, we knew that was coming--we were graduating at the end of April, but when the pandemic shut things down we never had the change to say goodbye. 

It's been almost a year.  At the time, with so much fear and uncertainty, I was at peace with giving up my social life for the sake of the greater good. But now...I am so lonely. A year is a long time to go to be by yourself most of the time. One plus side of the pandemic is that my husband and I are both at home almost 24/7, and it's been a blessing to be around him so much. But he has a lot of responsibilities on his computer -- working not quite full time for an online startup company while also being a full-time student in his last semester. So really, I'm alone most of the time. It's not like my days pre-Covid when my friends and I would sit together in class, walk together between class, and meet up together to study or hang out after class and over the weekends. Now, everything is over video chat. Occasionally our professors will have "break-out rooms" where groups of 2-5 classmates can discuss some study questions, and my cohort frequently texts each other in a group chat. But it's not the same as real live human interaction. I haven't had the opportunity to make good friends at my new school like I did at BYU. I meet up with my cousin and with other friends here and there, but it's so different now that seeing people outside of my household is considered an anomaly. 

I guess I had just hoped that being vaccinated would change things somehow. But even though I got vaccinated, nothing has changed.  My school is 100% online, you can't go anywhere without a mask, and everyone is still being asked to "stay 6 feet apart"and otherwise socially distance. 

I shouldn't complain, because I am healthy. I got Covid and I recovered. My loved ones have been safe.  But I think I am allowed to say that I am lonely, and I am sad.