Why is it so fricken hard to make up my mind? One minute I'm dying to be done, and the next I'm craving to continue the excitement of Highland cheerleading. 

I love sporting my teal skirt and bouncy curls and obnoxiously big, sparkly bow, I love winking to a giant crowd on the top of the stunt and  waving around my poms and screaming on the field or the court as the Hawks soar by a mere one point and dancing my heart out and whippin out a couple backhand springs at 100 MPH. Yet other times I dread the thought of being lifted by girls not much bigger than myself on one foot in an extension-liberty with my life quite literally in their hands, a mental block stands as a barrier to keep me at the same level as I was at my second year tumbling at eight years old, and I just plain want more time. I mean, my coach had to threaten me with ten laps {on top of the two we had already done} and a hundred pushups for me to do my round-off-backhand-spring-tuck without him spotting me.  It's slightly ridiculous.

At this point, I think I've reached the decision to be done with it after this season.  Next year I plan on taking an A-hour as well as continuing without a lunch period, and with it going to be my Junior year I am really gonna have to focus on my grades as I scout out for scholarships.  Also, I'm not exactly harvesting money off trees, and I hate having to ask for yet another check every time a payment is required.  Speaking of which, I could really use a job to start making money on my own.  But really, if I want to be bumped up to Varsity with my friends on the squad, I'd need several thousand dollars more, fearlessness, and a huge time commitment, all of which I currently don't have.  These girls go to national competitions and win!

I really despise the feeling of regret.  But will I feel regret, or gratitude for this decision?  I guess we always have to make choices eventually in life, and by doing this maybe I'll be able to taste a different road, indulging myself in new adventures as I have more time to sing and write and who knows what else?