I spent the past couple years playing wise-girl by telling people that I refused to get married too young because I wanted to "discover myself first."  I would go to college, serve a mission, maybe do a study abroad-- but everything would fall into place, and I would magically figure out who I am and what I stand for simply by being independent before taking the step of being bound to another.
  Discover myself?  HA!  It's only at this point that I realize I have never known what that meant.
        When people meet me, what do they see?  Do they think I'm happy, kind, uplifting?  Do they think I'm outgoing and adventurous or quiet and reserved?  Annoying or dimwitted maybe?  Sophisticated or complex, probably not, although I would certainly appreciate it.  If they think I'm cute or attractive or {as the Bible put it when describing Leah} merely "tender-eyed" I quite literally have no idea.  I'm not being depressed or dramatic, I'm just musing.
       If a person is defined by what they do, then I am a mediocre artist, a musician without the current ability to practice, a writer with the words trapped inside a tangled net of ideas, a student who is organized by means of getting homework done days ahead of time but completely unorganized in terms of keeping her desk straight, a runner who is slowly stretching her endurance levels, and an actress who pressed pause for the time being.  If a person is defined by what they believe, then I am a Mormon, a pro-lifer and a vegetarian {btw that was the EASIEST transition and best decision ever}.  I am an idealist who has a very difficult time sitting still both literally and figuratively.  I am an introvert who still craves social living.  I am terrible at developing solid friendships {and if this is my fault or circumstantial I have no clue} although twice already I have gotten into long-term relationships. I love animals and travel and taking pictures and getting lost in nature.  I am a geek who couldn't stay interested in Gossip Girl like a normal teenager but can sit and watch historical documentary series for hours at a time.  I am a sister and a daughter and at least was a girlfriend.
      I attend a church school so of course I am constantly reminded that I am a daughter of God who loves me unconditionally.  But what does this entail in a world where there are seven billion others? I truly hope to better understand this concept, especially since they also tell us that the purpose of our mortal lives is to grow {which I assume has to do with self-discovery}.
   It's a constant debate in my head whether I should be frustrated and force myself to be memorable somehow, or just stay comfortable in my own little introvert world. I desire so terribly to make a difference in the world-- in even one person's life! But I have yet to figure that one out.
  Fortunately, I've only been independent for a few weeks.  Maybe I will figure out what "self discovery" means and then actually discover myself.  Maybe I'll never learn-- and I'll just keep chugging along being shaped by my life experiences but being happy all the while.